my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
