Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
