benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
