So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
