your thong is hanging out like whoa
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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