Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
