the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
