Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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