i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
