I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
