If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
