Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
