she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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