There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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