they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
