She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
