You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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