Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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