I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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