forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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