Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I would ride that face into the sunset
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
