allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
