their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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