areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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