Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
