I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
