so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
