When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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