mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
