i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
