I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
