i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
