she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
