I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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