im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
