I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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