What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
