im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
