What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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