This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
