Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
