Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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