wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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