There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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