She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
