Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
