Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
