the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
