He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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