you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize