So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
